By Janet Levine, author of Know Your Parenting Personality.

It’s almost here, the long, lazy months of summer vacation. You know the feelings as you anticipate the transition, they range from anticipation to panic to anxiety: how are we going to fill those days with meaningful activity for our children? A family trip will be a week, or maybe two. A visit to or from grandparents will fill another week. Then what? Day camp, sleep over camp, they’re so expensive. Baby sitters, child minders: maybe, you ask yourself guiltily knowing it’s not going to happen, I should stop working for the summer? I asked one fifteen year-old what lay ahead for him this vacation. He mentioned a short family trip, and then he said, “Hanging out, reading in the sun, sleeping late, skate boarding with friends.” He looked defensive, “Hanging out is definitely under-rated these days. My mom wants me to go to summer school, my dad wants me to intern in a medical lab, and I want to hang out.” Whatever you do this vacation, be aware that the summer you are planning for your child is probably a reflection of your own personality, and may not fit your child’s emotional or developmental needs.

The Nine Types as Parents: How to Handle Vacation Anxiety

1. Moralizer - is conscientious and moral, honest and idealistic.
Moralizers focus on doing the right thing and avoiding error, this can lead to procrastination and a lack of spontaneity. Communications can be preachy and zealous. But they can be a true moral compasses for their children; they teach by example, and take on many causes. They motivate their children by striving for excellence.
Transition to summer vacation
It’s an ethical issue with you that your children learn-preferably some moral-lessons over the summer. They can’t simply stay home and do nothing. So you decide what is “good” for them, whether they agree or not. Be gentle with yourself; remember you are a “good enough” parent. “Worthy”, “correct” and “right” are your metal constructs.

2. Helper - is empathetic, nurturing, relational, and can give of himself with true altruism. Helpers focus on giving to others in order to meet their emotional needs - for love, approval, and admiration - and to avoid rejection. Communication can be ambivalent as Helpers find it hard to hold a line. Helpers can come across as manipulative, to those who are wary of flattery and constant emotional neediness. Helpers nurturing qualities are unparalleled.
Transition to summer vacation
You find it difficult to say “no” to your children. You avoid conflict and don’t uphold rules or boundaries because you’re afraid your children may not love you, or approve of you. You don’t want to spoil them, but you find yourself rationalizing why you said “yes” when you know “no” is correct. Hold those boundaries all summer. You have a real responsibility to set limits.

3. Organizer - is self-assured, competent, and efficient, an accomplished team-builder driven to achieve “success”. Organizers avoid failure. They focus on results and are task-oriented. Image-conscious they often deceive themselves and others, and can suspend experiencing emotions. Children can feel they are a ‘widget’ as the Organizer parent manufactures the picture-perfect family. Organizers need to tell their children that they love them. Their positive energy is enlivening and infectious.
Transition to summer vacation
You believe that time not used is time wasted; you’ll never get it back. Your inclination is to generate a long list of activities for your children. You’ve probably been working on this list for months. You set goals, plan how they’ll be achieved step-by-step, week-by-week over the summer. Stop and think if this agenda has anything to do with your children?

4. Dreamer - is individualistic, creative, sensitive, and able to experience the highs and lows of deep emotions. Dreamers avoid ordinariness. They tend to focus on what is unavailable: the glass is always half-empty. Melancholia gives an attractive edge to life but can lead to depression. They envy others who seem to have what they are missing. Connection is a key motivation for Dreamers, and they desire and seek after deep and intimate connection with their children. They want their children to always be happy.
Transition to summer vacation
Each summer you dream of a heightened experience with your children where your emotional connections and bonds will be deepened. You want every summer to be different and special. Remember this is what you want. Your children may be happy with what you dismiss as the mundane, and the ordinary. Try and back off the emotional intensity and longing.

5. Observer - is private, measured, logical, and an intellectual seeker.
Observers avoid (emotional) attachment. They focus on gaining knowledge as a way of making sense of the world. Observers can be retracted, overly self-controlled, detached from their emotions. Predictability means safety, no surprises please. Observers need to verbalize their love for their children and not trust that osmosis or some other process knows their deep emotions. Their steadiness in crises is a valuable asset to their parenting.
Transition to summer vacation
In the summers there is more time to interact physically and emotionally with your children. Be aware that you ration your time, manage your energy, and find it difficult to verbalize your love. Your children are aware of these restraints. They will blossom if you participate and share, rather than withdraw and observe.

6. Questioner - is thoughtful, rational, loyal, dutiful, and responsible.
Questioners avoid being seen as different, and try to blend in. They constantly scan for hidden dangers: to themselves and their children. They are fearful, scared of success and vigilantly doubtful; this can lead to indecision, procrastination and unfinished projects. Questioners are ambivalent about authority, and do not model authority well for their children. Yet they are fiercely loyal, and dependable towards those they love.
Transition to summer vacation
Trust your children and their judgment. Keep the faith even when you are stressed and worried about what they are up to during the summer. Believe in yourself as a responsible parent; this will give them the responsibility and faith they need for themselves.

7. Entertainer - is upbeat, enthusiastic, charming, spontaneous, and entertaining. Entertainers focus on being active, engaged with life, and having many pleasing options to choose from. They enjoy spending time planning and fantasizing. Entertainers avoid emotional pain. They have trouble making and keeping commitments. Entertainers can be self-involved and do not do well with the routine and mundane. They are positive, interactive parents, and are usually the first one getting sandy in the sand box.
Transition to summer vacation
Figure out what works for you in the summer relative to schedules, routines, and so on. Commit yourself to that program, and forgo the other options. Your find it exhilarating to act on a whim and overturn a plan; you render your children insecure, and uncertain. They need you to be reliable in your commitments. Then you can all play, play, and play.

8. Protector - is confidant, powerful, a take-charge leader, honest, direct, and protective of “turf”; those within their family are well protected. Protectors hate being dependent and avoid vulnerability. They can live “go-for-broke” excessive life styles. Their confrontational style can skew family dynamics for those of their children who are among the personality types that don’t do well with conflict. They are empowering parents, and use their personal force on behalf of their children.
Transition to summer vacation
Try not to control every last moment of your children’s activities and plans. It’s summer time, open up, enjoy, and be vulnerable! You can still be protective, but also let then know with words and physical affection how much you love them. Use the time together to encourage their curiosity, playfulness, and to let them express their love for you.

9. Peacekeeper - is compassionate, energetic on behalf of others, noncompetitive, patient, and sees all sides of an issue. Peacekeepers avoid conflict and confrontation. They are reluctant self-starters and procrastinators. Peacekeepers find difficulty in establishing priorities and making decisions. They fall asleep to their own needs and agendas, so it is all too easy for them to take on the agenda of “the family”. They falter around authority issues because they can see all sides of an argument. But they love unconditionally, and are the best supporters to have in your corner - they’ll do anything for their children.

Transition to summer vacation
If you take on the children’s summer as an agenda you have to fulfill, you’ll wear yourself out with being always at their service as a chauffer, playmate, banker and doormat. You are an independent individual: if you respect that understanding, so will your children.