By Erin Brown Conroy, author of Twenty Secrets to Success with Your Child.

Every parent’s seen it. Every parent fears it. Every parent’s experienced it - or will sooner or later. It’s the dreaded moment when a child misbehaves in public.

There’s nothing more anxiety-producing the thought of standing in the middle of a crowd with our child acting like a wild man or a screaming banshee. Our dreams of perfect parenthood dash away on the earsplitting reverberation of our child’s “NO!” echoing for all the world to hear.

What do we do when we’re in the grocery store and our child’s meltdown is the center of attention for aisles upon aisles of wide-eyed customers? How do we handle a thrashing toddler swinging arms, stomping feet, and turning bright red in the face in the middle of the mall?

Here are some tips for dealing with discipline in a public place:

• Deal with the situation. Many parents try to go on like nothing at all is happening. With a forced smile, we ignore the child or try to talk to the child in a sugary-sweet, “Now Anita, we don’t need to get upset in a store, do we?” Take a deep breath and place your undivided attention on your child.
  
  
• Control your anger. Because junior is making a scene, you’re on the spot - you’re the center of attention as well. And that’s an uncomfortable place to be. For many of us, a feeling of anger rises, as we think, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me, right here, right now!” The tantrum or meltdown isn’t about you; it’s about your child. Think about solving the issue in a calm way, not about what others are thinking about you.
  
  
• Identify the issue. Exactly what’s going on? Is your child over-emotional because she’s over-tired? Is your son disappointed because he just realized that he’s not going to get the super-cool Star Wars Legos set after all? Did sister pinch brother in the arm? Like a police officer at the scene of a crime, make it your cool and calculated business to get to the issue as quickly and as calmly as possible.
  
  
• Address the issue. Step number one to solving the misbehavior is to try to talk to your child. In the most child-centered way possible, get on their physical level by crouching down or picking up the child. Get on their emotional level by acknowledging the disappointment, hurt, or anger. If there’s a real issue at hand, get on their heart level by expressing your concern. None of these actions may “work” to calm your child, but it’s where we need to start to break through to stopping the behavior. You may have to detach your negative emotions from the situation if your child has no “reasonable” reason for the tantrum; he or she may just be acting like a child.
  
  
• If the child is out of control, then remove your child calmly, gently, and quickly. A change of environment may be all he or she needs to get a grip. You may have to leave your shopping cart or package at the checkout, leave the gymnasium at the basketball game to enter the cool night air, or leave the swing area of the park to sit in the car for a while. Working with your child is important and a priority. If it means that you’ll have to come back to the store, so be it; there are worse things in life.
  
  
• Let your child know that you love him or her, but that his or her behavior is unacceptable. Part of being a child is learning what’s “in-bounds” behavior and what’s “out-of-bounds” behavior. Our children need to know that when they cross over into “out-of-bounds” behavior, there will be a consequence. Emotionally, our child may not be able to control themselves, especially if they’re over-tired or emotionally stressed. But that doesn’t excuse poor behavior. There will still be a consequence - like leaving the party, or not finishing the meal at the restaurant - if poor behavior takes over. Clearly stating, “I love you, but your behavior is unacceptable” helps our child to define their own actions, allowing them to frame proper behavior choices for future situations.
  
  
• Maintain your own emotional stability. If you had to miss the end of a musical program because your child was misbehaving, you’ll probably be disappointed. Realizing that our number one job is to lovingly but firmly deal with our child first - before our own desires - is a hard perspective to embrace. It takes a high level of maturity and self-control to take on the high calling of “parenting” in a way that leaves self-centeredness behind.
  
  
• Use your “inner words” to put it all in perspective. The words that we speak to ourselves in our heads during our child’s misbehavior in a public place are incredibly powerful. They will make or break our response to our child. What we tell ourselves will totally guide how we respond. If we say to ourselves, “I love my son. I’m going to help him. It’s OK that we’re going to deal with this right now; he’s more important than the activity. I’m disappointed, but it’s not the end of the world. How can I make this situation better?” then we’ll end up turning the situation into a positive, instead of putting an emotional rift in our relationship with our child or making fools of ourselves in public.

Our child will misbehave in public. It’s all part of a child being a child. A healthy attitude toward our children is this: Anticipate and expect good behavior, but don’t be caught off guard when poor behavior pops up. Plan how you’ll respond to tantrums and scenes before the poor behavior. Maintain your own sense of thought-stability and emotion-stability. Embrace the job of “parent” with collected mind and calculated actions encircled by an attitude of understanding, commitment, and love.

Dealing with tantrums can feel bad, for everyone involved. Misbehavior in a public place is tough. Parenting with wisdom and control during such a time is tougher. Responding in a healthy way turns the situation around and takes us to a place where we feel like we did the right thing - and that really does feel good.

Erin Brown Conroy, MA, accomplished educator, speaker, and author concerning teaching and learning, child development and behavior, family and interpersonal relationships, and leadership, is the author of the powerful and concise guide for parents entitled Twenty Secrets to Success with Your Child. With nearly 30 years experience personally instructing children and counseling families, this parenting columnist for Great Lakes Family Magazine and publisher of ParentingWithSuccess.com continues to share expertise grounded in practical experience as parent of 12 children ranging in age from three to 21. You can read more of Erin’s work at www.ParentingWithSuccess.com and contact Erin through Erin@ParentingWithSuccess.com.