People have different ideas about good and bad behaviour. What's bad behaviour to you may be accepted by other parents. It is best to set your own rules to fit the way you live and it is best to deal with your child's behaviour your way.

Understanding Behaviour

Try to step back and do some thinking. Is there really a problem? It is worth asking yourself if your child's behaviour is a problem in your eyes. Sometimes it's trying to do something about a certain sort of behaviour that changes it from something that's irritating for you into a real problem for your child. Is there a reason for your child's difficult behaviour? It is worth trying to work it out before you do anything. Here are some of the possible reasons for difficult behaviour: Any change in your child's life, like the birth of a new baby, moving house, a change of childminder, starting playgroup. Even a small change can be a big event for a child. Sometimes children show the stress they're feeling by being difficult. If you're upset, stressed or there are problems in your family, your children are likely to pick that up. They may then become difficult at just the time when you feel least able to cope. If a problem is more yours than your children's don't blame yourself or the children. You'll know your child's character and may be able to see that a certain sort of behaviour fits that character. For example, some children react to stress by being loud and noisy and wanting extra attention while others withdraw. sometimes your child may be reacting in a particular way because of the way you've handled a problem in the past. For example, you may have given your child sweets to keep him or her quiet at the shops, so now your child screams for sweets every time you go there. Could you accidentally be encouraging the behaviour you most dislike? If a tantrum brings attention (even angry attention) or night-time waking means company and a cuddle, then your child has a good reason for behaving that way. You may need to try to give more attention at other times and less attention to the problem. Think about the time when the bad behaviour happens. Is it, for example, when your child is tired, hungry, over-excited, frustrated or bored?

Changing Behaviour

Do what feels right for you, your child and your family. If you do anything you don't believe in or anything you feel isn't right, it's far less likely to work. Children know when you don't really mean something. Don't give up too quickly. Once you've decided to do something, give it a fair trial. Very few solutions work overnight. It's easier to stick at something if you've someone to support you. Get help from your partner, a friend, another parent, your health visitor or a GP. At the very least, it's good to have someone to talk to about progress or lack of it. Try to be consistent. Children need to know where they stand. If you react to your child's behaviour in one way one day and a different way the next, it's confusing. It's also important that everyone else close to your child deals with the problem in the same way. Try not to over-react. This is very hard. When your child does something annoying not just once but time after time, your own feelings of anger or frustration are bound to build up. But if you become very tense and wound up over a problem, you can end up taking your feelings out on your child. The whole situation can get out of control. Try to keep a sense of proportion. Take objects you don't want your child to touch, out of the way to avoid temptation. Give attention in the right places. Help your child learn that the best way to get attention is to do something good. Make a habit of often letting your child know when he or she is making you happy. If you child does something naughty, say 'No' firmly and give her the reason. If she makes a fuss, turn your back and walk away. Once your child realises that she gets no attention from what she is doing, she will stop.